When Life Becomes Quiet – The Empty Nest, Menopause, and Why It Can Feel Like a Life Crisis (Part 1)

In January, I wrote on Instagram that I would start writing more about menopause.Now I will—but I also want to talk about another major transition that often happens at the same time: when children grow up and move out.

Children leaving home is an expected part of life. Yet many parents—especially women—describe it as feeling as if something inside them breaks when the door closes behind the last child. The silence that follows is not just practical, but existential.

For many, this transition coincides with the body entering peri- or postmenopause. When these two transitions occur simultaneously, the impact can be powerful—emotionally, mentally, and physically. This is not a personal failure. It is a predictable reaction to multiple changes happening at once.

The empty nest – a psychological life transition

The term empty nest syndrome is used to describe feelings of grief, emptiness, loneliness, low mood, and loss of identity when children leave home. It is not a psychiatric diagnosis, but a well-documented psychological phenomenon (Mitchell & Lovegreen, 2009).

Research shows that the reaction is often stronger among:

• parents who had their children full-time

• women with a strong caregiving identity

• individuals who are simultaneously going through other life changes

What is often being mourned is not only the children themselves, but the everyday life, the role, and the feeling of being needed.

When biology amplifies grief – the role of menopause

At the same time that children move out, many women are in menopause—a period marked by significant hormonal changes. Estrogen affects, among other things, the brain’s serotonin system, stress regulation, and sleep (Bromberger & Kravitz, 2011).

Studies show that menopause is associated with:

• increased risk of depressive symptoms

• heightened emotional vulnerability

• reduced stress tolerance

• sleep disturbances and fatigue

When these biological changes coincide with a psychological loss—such as children leaving home—the risk increases that the reaction is experienced as a life crisis rather than “just grief” (Avis et al., 2015).

“I don’t recognize myself”

Many women describe this period with words such as:

“I’m tired in a way I’ve never been before.”
“I cry without knowing why.”
“I feel empty, even though life should be easier now.”

Developmental psychology research shows that midlife often involves a re-evaluation of identity, meaning, and life direction (Lachman, 2004). When the caregiving role diminishes, space is created—but before something new takes shape, a void often appears.

This void is not dangerous.

But it is uncomfortable.

What helps during this phase?

1. Normalization and self-compassion

Reacting strongly does not mean that something is wrong. It means that you have lived a life rich in relationships and responsibility.

2. The right dose of load—not more discipline

Research shows that mild to moderate physical activity can reduce depressive symptoms during menopause, while excessive load can worsen fatigue and stress (Daley et al., 2014).

In practice, this means:

Some days training is helpful. Other days, a walk or rest is the healthiest choice.

3. Supporting the nervous system

Recovery, regular sleep, daylight exposure, and low-intensity movement are fundamental protective factors in this phase.

4. Postponing major life decisions

Research and clinical experience suggest that major decisions are often best postponed until the acute transition has settled.

A transition—not a failure

When children move out and the body changes at the same time, you are in a double transition. It requires more care—not more demands.

This is not the end of something.

It is an in-between.

And in-between spaces need safety, time, and kindness.

Next part in the series: Should I rest or push myself?

In the next part of this series, I dive deeper into one of the most common—and painful—questions of this life phase:

Should I rest, or should I pull myself together and train?

When children have moved out and the body is in peri- or postmenopause, many women find themselves caught in an inner struggle. On one hand, the knowledge that movement is important. On the other, a fatigue, grief, or heaviness that makes every demand feel overwhelming.

In Part 2, we explore:

• why the body often no longer responds to training the way it used to

• how menopause affects recovery, stress, and load tolerance

• when exercise truly helps—and when it risks worsening how you feel

• how to tell whether your body needs rest or gentle activation

• a simple system for adapting training to daily capacity, without guilt

The focus is not on discipline or performance—but on how training can become a source of support during a period when so much is already changing.

Part 2 will be published next Monday.

References

Avis, N. E., Crawford, S. L., & Greendale, G. (2015). Duration of menopausal vasomotor symptoms over the menopause transition. Menopause, 22(9), 926–935.

Bromberger, J. T., & Kravitz, H. M. (2011). Mood and menopause: Findings from the Study of Women’s Health Across the Nation (SWAN). Menopause, 18(9), 999–1007.

Daley, A., et al. (2014). Exercise for vasomotor menopausal symptoms. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews.

Lachman, M. E. (2004). Development in midlife. Annual Review of Psychology, 55, 305–331.

Mitchell, B. A., & Lovegreen, L. D. (2009). The empty nest syndrome in midlife families. Journal of Family Issues, 30(12), 1651–1670.

For many women, this becomes a double transition. The body changes, life changes, and everyday roles are shaken.

That is why I am now starting a three-part series on the empty nest and menopause. The first part is published today, with new parts released every Monday.

We begin by understanding why this can feel like a life crisis—and what is completely normal.